


Imperfect Angel

by MysteryBones



Category: Supernatural, destiel - Fandom, destiel fluff - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Time Travel, Demonic Possession, Destiel Fluff, I want you Dean Winchester, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Romance, Science Fiction, Time Travel, Time traveller
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-30
Updated: 2016-05-17
Packaged: 2018-05-30 02:49:06
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,761
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6405727
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MysteryBones/pseuds/MysteryBones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Castiel, a time travelling Angel of Mercy, must save his best friend and fighting partner, Dean, from possession by a time travelling demonic entity.</p><p>Castiel is in love with Dean but he must stay away from him because their relationship is forbidden by God. He agonises over his choice between his job and the one and only person he has ever truly loved - Dean.</p><p>Dean is completely unaware of Castiel's feelings toward him until he becomes possessed, and Castiel is the only one who can save him from his fate. They must go into hiding together, which makes them both realise their true feelings. </p><p>They are soulmates and nothing will rip them apart!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I want you, Dean Winchester, so, so bad...

**Author's Note:**

> For Imperfect Angels Everywhere...
> 
> Destiel Fluff at its Fluffiest
> 
> Alternate Universe

Chapter 1  
I want you, Dean Winchester, so, so bad…

I reach his hotel room in the early hours. The low orange light from the table lamp flickers upon my arrival, causing a warm glow to dance across his pale complexion. He is on top of the bedding and I notice his ripped shirt lying on the floor next to him. I wonder what has happened to cause the tear, and then I am distracted by his creamy, satin skin. He is sleeping but not soundly. I know the lowest of sinister whispers will rouse him in an instant, and his hand, which is nestled beneath his pillow, will pull his gun. My heart races as I watch the rhythm of his chest while he breathes deeply. He’s alone, he’s always alone these days. I long to lay beside him and whisper how I feel but I cannot. I hold my thoughts together. I have to. I know I can never earn back my Wings if I give in to this temptation. I will remain without my powers, my grace of flight, abandoned and imprisoned within my own imperfection forever... 

I prioritise my feelings and somehow detach myself from my desire. I look uneasily around the room and wonder how he is able to separate the sounds of true danger from the roar of traffic outside. The crude shouts from undesirable drunks who pass by his window would be enough to prompt the average person to be a little concerned, but not him. He’s different, he doesn’t fear the echoes of the night as others do. He has come to know that true human vulnerability arises from what is unnatural. There is nothing he fears more than solitude, yet he lives and works alone. This place is base and unclean. He doesn’t belong here, and it is almost intolerable for me to see his sensitive nature corroded by his sense of duty. A human being should never be exposed to half of what he has seen. I know that this lifestyle will eventually extinguish all purity. 

I see his packed bag, waiting by the door for a quick exit. This is no existence and no way for him to live. The bitter taste of reality helps me to focus, and I feel my restless spirit soothe as a gush of endurance floods through my body. My blood runs cold as my passion is pushed aside, but I know it has to be this way. I take a few deep breaths before calling to him…  
“Dean, why aren’t you doing something?” I say loudly, knowing my voice will rouse him from sleep.  
“Castiel?” he replies, squinting, as his eyes scan the room, his gaze eventually settling on my face. “Where the Hell have you been?” he snaps as he brushes his hand across his brow. I am lost for words, I knew this question would come but I have no way to pacify his anger towards me. I know I have let him down badly. He groans and I watch as he stands up, crosses the room to his bag and pulls out a black tee shirt. “Well?” he says before throwing it on over his head and heading back to his bed. He picks up his watch, “Do you have any idea what time it is?” he sighs as he flings it carelessly aside and flops back down.  
“You haven’t answered my question, Dean. Why aren’t you doing anything? People are dying,” I ask with feigned force. He lays down with his hands upstretched behind his head. At first, it seems he is exasperated. I wait for his temper to erupt but then, to my surprise, I notice his eyes close. He appears to have fallen straight back to sleep.  
“Dean,” I shout, furiously, at his blatant lack of concern.  
“What do you want, Castiel,” he growls as he opens his eyes again. He seems different.  
“You have to take care of it, Dean. I see your shirt is torn, have you encountered it?” I ask.  
“Huh? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he grumbles before sitting up and stretching. I notice his shirt ride up slightly as he does so. I instantly avert my eyes and clear my mind of all impure thoughts before turning, purposefully, back to face him. “What?” he snaps, upon noticing my arms fold as I raise my eyebrows and give him that look. “I don’t need this, Castiel,” he huffs. “Who do you think you are? Coming round here in the middle of the freakin’ night and telling me…”  
“Dean, that thing is out there, it’s not going to stop,” I interrupt quickly, not wanting to explain where I have been and why I have not answered him in so long. I heard his distressed pleas. I knew he was calling… calling out to me. I ached to give into his desperate requests but I knew my feelings were forbidden. My emotions were becoming so much harder to suppress and I knew I was on the verge of giving in to my yearning to be with him. This is the true reason I could not come to him. If only he felt the same way… maybe… just maybe I could walk away from it all… for him…  
“Thing? What thing?” he says, raising his voice above my thoughts. “I’ve had enough of this crap. I’ve been calling you, I needed you here, where were you?” He stares me right in the eye and I find it impossible to lie to him.  
“I know, Dean. It’s not important right now,” I reply hastily as I turn my back on him. How can I tell him I begged not to come here tonight, that I need to stay away, that I’m worn out resisting the temptation to tell him how I feel. I breathe deeply as I compose myself.  
“This thing is not going to stop until it’s ripped out the throat of every woman on Earth,” I say with an air of authority barely strong enough to be convincing.  
Dean sighs hard. He knows he’s not going to get a straight answer from me, and I sense him lie back down on the bed, “You wanna enlighten me?” he groans in disappointment.  
“I have come about the Sior-Mabuz, Dean,” I reply as I wonder how he cannot know about this thing.  
“Sior – what?”  
“Sior-Mabuz,” I repeat.  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Castiel. Who sent it?”  
“It didn’t come through the time portal. Well, not recently anyway. This is one of the original constructs. An early one. It has been around for many centuries. It is a mutation. It somehow managed to become fused with a human.”  
“How come I don’t know about it then?”  
“It has been imprisoned for many years. I wasn’t aware it had escaped,” I tell him as a certain amount of shame causes me to regret my part in it all. How can I say I am partially to blame for its escape? That I should have been more vigilant in my checks upon this creature’s imprisonment?  
“Escaped? From where?”  
“During the Dark Ages it was captured in what we now know as England. It was named Sior, on account of its daytime hunting regime. Once detained, it was transported to Scotland, where it became known as Sior-Mabuz – ‘the sun feeder of death castle’. It was the only one of its kind ever, and it can never be destroyed…”  
“Oh great,” Dean snorts.  
“Just listen,” I snap. “I can’t do your job for you, Dean. You’re the agent, you do it. The best we can hope for is that it be contained, confined to darkness for all eternity. It has been locked up in a dungeon in the Scottish Highlands, up until now that is. I have located its whereabouts to this town. I guessed its presence was the reason you were here, you need to isolate it and…” I hear the sound of snoring and turn to find Dean asleep. 

I pace the room. I’m confused, he is obviously exhausted but I have no idea why. I move right up close to the bed and kneel in front of him. I feel his breath on my face and I close my eyes and allow myself to imagine for a moment. My thoughts take me far away to my special dream, where we are together, in love and happy. My body tingles in the illusion and my troubled heart finds peace, but I know this cannot be, and I drag myself reluctantly from my pipedream. I open my eyes and stare longingly into his beautiful face. I wish so much that he were mine. I wish I had the courage to tell him how I feel but I’m a coward. I know I must leave now but for some reason I cannot move. The love inside is too strong. How can I overcome my desire for this man. It’s too hard. It’s impossible, nobody could live with the torture I feel inside of me. Why must I go through this time and time again? Destined to be near him but fated never to be one with him. 

My whole body fills with sorrow as I move my lips close to him. I am millimetres from his mouth and I yearn for him to awake and pull me to him and tell me everything will be okay because he loves me too. I loiter there and wait for him to make my fantasy reality, to lift me to the stars with his soft embrace, but it doesn’t happen. I know I must go, and I order my mind to discipline itself. I whisper softly into his ear, “Goodnight, Dean.” I move away from him and approach the door. I glance back only once, and then I am gone.

To be continued…


	2. Your Precious Guilt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel discovers Dean has become possessed, he must imprison him... somehow...

Chapter 2  
Your Precious Guilt

 

“What are you doing here, Dean?” I ask as I walk into the bar and find him slouched over a table, his half-eaten meal pushed aside. He drops the bottle he is loosely holding and I hear a distinct crack as it hits the floor. He seems very jumpy tonight. I wonder what’s wrong, but then I remember, there is always something wrong.   
“What?” he replies, yawning before throwing me an annoyed glance. I sit down next to him.   
“It’s still on the loose, Dean. It has been over a week now, why hasn’t it been contained?” I ask urgently. He completely ignores me, instead taking it upon himself to yell out for more beer. No one is listening and so, with a shrug, he gives up. I watch as he places his head in his hand and closes his eyes. I wait for him to reply to my question. When he doesn’t, I go to the bar and get him another drink. I return to his table, sit down and nudge him. He shakes me away with a push.  
“Dean!” I say sternly as I shove his drink in front of him.  
“What?” he snaps, throwing me another angry glare.  
“Dean, why are you here?”   
“I’m looking for someone.” He holds up his hand. “Don’t even ask,” he replies moodily as he picks up his beer, takes a large gulp and wipes his mouth on his sleeve.  
“Why haven’t you found it, Dean? It should have been captured.”  
“Because Share MyBooze, or whatever, must have left, it’s not here,” he scoffs as he goes back to chugging on his beer. I can’t stand it when he gets this way. I feel like dragging him out of here and pounding some sense into him.   
“It killed three people yesterday, Dean,” I say, shoving the newspaper under his nose.  
“What?” he replies, seeming to have sobered up within the space of a few seconds. “Hold on a minute, it says here: It fed on her like some kind of vampire. Vampire, really?” He raises his eyebrows and thrusts the paper away from himself. “This is the first I’ve seen of this, and I can’t find out anything from anyone around here,” he whispers as he surreptitiously scans around. “The people in this town are freakin’ freaks. You try talking to them.”  
“No, Dean. You talk to them, and it’s called the Sior-Mabuz. It feeds on women - not for food, but for thrills and form maintenance. It is not a vampire. People are becoming hysterical, Dean. They are jumping to all sorts of fantastical conclusions. This needs to end. Now.”  
“Form maintenance? What does that even mean?”  
“It needs to feed in order to obtain power. This is how it sustains its appearance. It’s a vicious cycle, and one that Sior-Mabuz is completely unaware of. It feeds on impulse. It feeds to regenerate. It needs energy, which it uses to replenish the skin cells of the host subject it occupies. It does this in order to remain… attractive to females, so that it may begin the cycle again. It doesn’t feed in order to survive, it feeds to maintain the illusion of flesh and blood.”  
“So it doesn’t have to bother killing then, it would just exist anyway?”  
“Yes. It is part machine after all. It is unaware… or perhaps it just enjoys the pursuit. Dean, you must…”  
“Who is it after?”  
“It’s not after anyone, Dean. It has long since forgotten its mission.”  
“What mission?”   
“I am unsure exactly, but I assume it was originally sent back to kill someone before they were born, thus preventing some future event.”  
“Did it succeed?”   
“I do not know but it was injured and so there must have been a fight. What I can tell you, is that it felt the need to mutate. This is when it merged with the human in order to save itself. When it did so, it became completely oblivious to its own purpose and nature. It needs to be dealt with, and quickly.”  
“I’m worn-out, Cas. Can’t you do it? Zone in on it and beam it back or whatever?”  
“I no longer have those powers, Dean, you know that. I cannot travel through time and space anymore. I have, let’s say, been relieved of duties.”  
“And why is that exactly? Why are you locked out of your own time machine?”  
“I told you, Dean, my emotions rendered me incapable of doing my job. I couldn’t protect the world like that. A Wayfarer cannot keep his mind on what he needs to do if his thoughts are elsewhere. Besides, it would be unethical of me to put my own desires before the natural course of history. I am in a position of trust. I need to prove myself worthy again and that takes time.”  
“You had time, you had a freakin’ time machine… Anyway, who actually was it you were…”  
“It doesn’t work like that,” I say, swiftly halting the conversation. “Dean, you must isolate…”  
“Right,” he snaps, standing up and swaying slightly, “How do I destroy it?”  
“You don’t. You can’t. It’s immortal, truly immortal.” He sits down again and turns to me, his green eyes darting in panic as his bottom lip quivers slightly. He feels guilty. If there’s one thing he can’t stand, it’s letting people down. I feel his guilt. He leans forward, rests his elbow on the table and looks straight at me. I’m mesmerised as I move towards him, I feel intoxicated. I close my eyes and await his kiss and…  
“Come on, Cas, let’s get the bastard,” he slurs as he slaps the top of my arm, rushes off, returns for what’s left of his burger, smiles with a mouthful of food and zooms off again.   
I start after him, “Dean, you can’t do this tonight, wait until tomorrow,” I call to him as I watch him fling his food to the floor. I know there is something bothering him. I can sense these things, but there’s a stony wall keeping me from seeing what’s inside.  
I give up on talking him out of it. There’s no way he’s going to let it go. Looks like I’m stuck here with him on this one for the night. I can’t leave him alone now for fear of him coming to harm. I let out a deep sigh and follow him. Needless to say, we achieve nothing.

A few hours later, after wandering aimlessly, I attempt to reason with him again.   
“Let’s go, Dean, we’re getting nowhere,” I say as I turn to face him, and then dive for cover as I witness his face contort into the most revolting creature imaginable. The sun has come up and I realize Dean is the Sior-Mabuz. I get myself together, somehow manage to pull my weapon and stun him. He staggers and, for a time, seems disorientated. However, it doesn’t take long before the swaying stops, and he resists the effects of the blast long enough to be aware of my presence and my attack. The Sior-Mabuz howls and I know it is going to target my neck. I have to be quick, one swipe and it’s over. I launch myself in its direction as I attempt to unbalance the thing. It is unprepared for such an ambush and, in the struggle, I am successful in overcoming its brute strength. I shock him again and he falls to the ground. Then, the Sior-Mabuz, in its effort to preserve itself, goes into spontaneous hibernation and its own image is lost. Once again, I see Dean’s face. I waste no time. I haul the thing back to Dean’s accommodation before it regains consciousness and transforms into its true configuration once again.

I wait patiently for night to come, knowing that the monster within Dean will fall silent and the guy I love will come back to me. I can barely look at his twisted contortion of a body. The effects of the shock did not take long to wear off and now he lies tied to the floor joists, screaming insults at me. His repulsive mouth runs with some sort of saliva, something I can only describe as black bile broth. He is repugnant to me. How it got inside Dean, I do not know. I am thankful for the noisy motel as his language and hissing is foul enough to wake the dead. The busy road and service station outside serves as a distraction to those walking by, allowing the noise of the creature to go unnoticed. I cannot bear this. I cannot stand to see Dean this way. I know I must save him and bring him back from wherever he is, but he is now so hard to reach. I know the Sior-Mabuz can never be exterminated, and I know that whomever it inhabits will remain the Sior-Mabuz for all eternity. Not even death can release its grip and, unless the Sior-Mabuz finds another host, it and its subject are enmeshed, and the human soul of its host is trapped forever…

But… surely… there must be a way. Any attempt at getting the creature to take another vessel in the past did not go well. I can’t risk it again, I’m just not ready to lose him. There must be some other way, surely. If there is, I shall find it. I know, for now, that the Sior-Mabuz must be returned to its dwelling place, deep within the dungeon of Hielan De’il Stravaig Castle, and there it must remain. I fear Dean will never be free again, and he will never again be the Dean - the breath-taking Dean - I love and desire with all my heart.  
“Dean, wake up,” I say after sundown. He is now my Dean once again. His beautiful face has returned, and the Sior-Mabuz is asleep, deep within. I now know why Dean is reluctant to eat. Food is poison to this entity. I also know the reason that Dean is so very tired. The beast consumes vitality and the subject, for the most part, is comatose. Perhaps it is a blessing this is so.  
“Dean,” I whisper as I get close to him. He opens his eyes. He appears drained and I help him to sit up.  
“What the…” he gasps as he notices the chains locked around his body. I stare anxiously for a moment as he tugs against them in a vain attempt to free himself.  
“Please, Dean, please stop,” I shush him gently as I hold him tight until his frustration subsides. “You are chained because the Sior-Mabuz is within you. This is for your own safety, and that of others. I cannot allow it to continue killing, Dean. Surely, you know this. You must feel it inside you?”  
He looks into my eyes and I know he has understood this bleak truth. His own eyes fill with tears and, before I know it, his frame becomes crumpled as he reaches for me and pulls me close to him. The terrible erratic rhythm of his heart resounds through my entire body and, at once, my heart follows his and beats in time to his song of anguish. I allow the embrace to take place as I attempt to distance myself and pull back from my longing to become one with him. It is an act of discipline like no other.   
Eventually, he moves away from me. Tear tracks stain his bloodied and bruised face and I see a vulnerability I have never witnessed in him before. It would be easy for me to take advantage of such an occasion, an occasion that will most likely never come my way again, but I refrain. I will remain good. I have to. I know this can never happen or I will be forced to remain in this time zone forever, never again being allowed to return to my own time.  
“What exactly is this thing? It hurts so bad,” he whispers.   
“Dean, you have to stay focussed. Your pain will subside.” He looks at me and takes a deep breath as he holds his side. I am aware that it was me who caused him to be in pain. The hit penetrated the Sior-Mabuz and affected Dean’s body also. He seems to relax and then raises his hands as if he is in complete acceptance of the situation. “Are you okay?” I ask him.  
“Look, I get it’s something from the future. Is this what humans turn into?”  
“No, Dean, it is not a future human. I told you before, this a machine-human hybrid. It came back many years ago. Somehow, it was damaged and that’s when it merged with a human. It gained superior strength from its newly formed union – becoming almost super-powered. We are not sure how it fused with the man but we assume it was at cellular level. Fortunately, its new semi-organic structure meant it could not get back to its own time. Probably just as well. If it had managed to travel back to its own century then its knowledge would have certainly been used against us, and humanity would exist only as host bodies for these things. I’m sorry it found you, Dean.”  
“Are you telling me I have some pre-historic guy in me as well?”  
“Yes, he and it are now the same entity and this is why it shares similar raw human desires. It will never part with this man. He is the original subject, they are now fused. Human and machine together as one, forget the movies, Dean. This is the real face of transhumanism - an honest portrayal, you might say.”  
“Huh?” he says appearing confused. He wipes his hand across his face, “well, that’s just great.” He looks exhausted. “Why me, Cas? I mean, what… did it seek me out personally?” he sighs, and I tell him what I know.  
“The Sior-Mabuz requires a certain… magnetism… and… well… you fulfil that requirement, shall we say.”   
“So, I’m good looking, is that what you’re saying… hang on a minute… didn’t I turn into some grotesque beast?” He laughs, and the vulnerability is gone.   
“Yes. It is able to use your appearance at will. You serve many purposes. Your image allows it to move around without drawing attention to itself. It serves also as a trap to lure women away from the crowds. Not only this, but your body is an adequate disguise when it sleeps. It prefers to use your image, but it will use its own form when it is alone or feels threatened.”  
“And there was me thinking it was just a monster!” He rests his chin on his hand. “So it’s cunning and manipulative then… pretty smart yeah?”  
“Yes, it can be. Just like a person can be. There are similarities. This twisted predator is able to access the knowledge inside your head. It’s a mutated machine remember, and your service record during the temporal war speaks for itself. You have garnered a reputation over the years. You are simply the ideal candidate.”  
“Well, I wish I hadn’t bothered. What good has it done anyway? These mechanical bastards are set on destroying this planet no matter what you or I do. People think this war is over, but I know it’s just the beginning. I’ll tell you something else too - now you’re out of commission, we’re doomed anyway. They will never let it rest. Just let this thing kill me. At least then it’ll be dead.”  
“No, it won’t. It will continue to animate and regenerate your replenished corpse whilst your soul lies trapped, witnessing each and every mindless slaughter…”  
“Oh, that’s just great. I’m going to be an apocalyptic zombie.” He turns sharply towards me, “Why don’t you ever have any good news? I’ll tell you what, why don’t you just shut up for a while, huh?”  
“Hey, it’s not my fault it chose you.”   
“Well whose fault is it then, mine?”   
“I’m trying to help. You might show some gratitude”  
“Well excuse me if I don’t jump for joy.”  
“Dean, this is getting us nowhere. We need to get it back to Scotland and quickly.”  
“So there’s something there that can help us then? Well, let’s go, the sooner the better. How do I actually get this thing out of me?” he asks impatiently with a spark of optimism.  
“You don’t. You will remain imprisoned there in the dungeon forever.”  
“You’re kidding me, right?”  
“No.”  
“What was that I was saying about good news? Next you’ll be telling me I’ll be on a diet of deep fried haggis forever.”   
“Don’t tempt me, Dean.”  
“Castiel, let me out of this contraption right now,” he says tugging on the chains. “I’m going to find a way to get rid of this bastard… sorry… these bastards.” He throws me an acid look before rattling the chains harder than before. I understand his frustration but I will not let him out. “I’m screwed if I’m going to be one of the walking dead,” he insists. I shake my head in refusal. “I’ll do this with or without your help,” he says as he pushes me to one side and, once again, attempts to escape the manacles.   
“No, Dean. You will return to Hielan De’il Stravaig Castle, and there you will stay.”  
“Who made you boss? Some friend you are,” he says as he turns and, within an instant, falls asleep. He’s completely drained. Nobody could withstand such a trauma. He’s lucky to be alive.  
I decide to let him nap for a while, perhaps later he will see reason and understand. I gently slide a pillow beneath his head and cover him with a blanket before leaving the room. I need to find the best way to get him to Scotland whilst the sun is down. I cannot risk him becoming the Sior-Mabuz on our journey. I silently leave the room. I need to clear my head in the hopes of coming up with a plan to get us out of here.

When I return, I find that Dean has vanished. I pick up the manacle and see that it has been sawn through. I glance around and see the tools, which have been pulled from beneath the bed. I have no idea how he reached them but I know he must be stopped. I dash from the room. I must find him before daybreak.   
I know he cannot use his car as I have transported it many miles away. He will not find it. I check every transit point within the area, but do not find him. Perhaps he is hiding from me, watching me from a secret location and waiting it out until I leave, but I do not sense him near. Fortunately, I am blessed with second sight. This is one of the reasons I was chosen for the mission of righting the wrongs of the past. Our aim is to prevent the war, which is constantly being postponed, only to be resume again once peace is found. Will these battles ever end, will we ever be free? My hopes for that have faded over the years. I believe I will always be destined to travel through time, mission after mission, never settling for long. That’s if I ever prove myself worthy again and am allowed back to my own time. I miss home.  
I sit down on a bench for a moment, I need to think. Where would he go? Dean isn’t stupid, and he isn’t cruel. This is why I know he will not attempt to leave on foot. He will not risk being a danger to anyone, let alone allow himself to be a murder catalyst. He will secure himself before sun up. That much I know, but I am also aware that he will not return the Sior-Mabuz to the dungeon without first finding a solution - a solution I know is beyond his reach. In desperation, I go from bar to bar, restaurant to restaurant, although I know he is not hungry for human food. I find almost every eatery closed and the bars in darkness. I know he’s looking for answers and it kills me inside to imagine his desperation. I should have known he would escape, why didn’t I stay with him? Never again will I leave his side. My poor, lost, Dean.  
I am at a loss to know what to do and so I take a walk beyond the town to clear my mind. I need peace to tune into the vibrations around me. I don’t have much time, the sun will rise very soon. I need to detach myself from all thoughts of his anguish to see clearly. I walk the lanes and eventually stumble upon an old abandoned town. It must be the old village, long since abandoned by the passage of time. I feel him near. I keep emotionally distant as I become physically closer to him, and then I see it, a deserted mausoleum. I walk down the steps, the smell is distracting but I continue. The whole place is soundless to the untrained ear, but I am able to detect the breath of a hiding soul. The pulsation is unmistakable and I would know it anywhere.  
“Come out, Dean. I know you’re here,” I say, my voice quaking. He makes no sound. “Dean,” I repeat. “You cannot hide from me.”  
He emerges from the shadows, and his slumped frame slowly approaches me. His pain is unbearable to me.   
“I don’t know what to do, Cas,” he says softly.  
“Let me help you, Dean. I will find a way, but we must leave for Scotland soon.” He nods in agreement. “Why are you here, Dean,” I ask, looking around and gesturing to the cold, dank building.   
“The sun can’t reach me here,” he replies with a shrug. “It’s all I could find to hide out in.”  
“The Sior-Mabuz has an internal clock, Dean. You will change.”  
“Cas, what can I do?” he says, grabbing my shoulder as he stares at the ground, desperately trying to hide the tears welling in his eyes. I feel overwhelmed by my sorrow over his plight. I want to look after him and keep him safe. The longer this goes on the less chance I have of him remaining himself. If it cannot feed, it cannot rejuvenate Dean’s skin cells.  
“We need to barricade ourselves inside,” I say as I hold his arm and pull him towards me.   
“Thank you, Cas… for helping me, I mean,” he says as he raises his head and conjures a weak smile. There’s something different in his eyes and, for a brief second, we connect in a mellow, sensual way. He feels something for me, I see it in his glistening stare. I grab him tightly and hold him close. I feel his soft, brown hair caress my face and I am overcome with desire. I lean into him and kiss the top of his head, drinking in the moment. He holds me closer, breathing heavily, as I feel his hand slide down my back, and then it is over. I feel a bitter sense of loss as he pulls away and urges me to act quickly if we are to ensure he does not escape. We set to work.

To be Continued...


	3. Chapter 3 He loves me, Dean loves me...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel make their escape

Chapter 3  
He loves me, Dean loves me…

We decide to remain where we are for the time being. The location is ideal and, having set an appropriate barrier to the outside world, we are able to contain the Sior-Mabuz undetected. I have no option but let go of my vow to stay by his side. I need to leave Dean alone during the day as I attempt to find a way for us to get to Scotland. Something has to be done. I believe he will now cooperate fully. It is not going to be easy as we cannot allow Dean to come into contact with people, especially women, during the hours of daylight.  
The following evening, when he awakes as himself, we make a fire to keep warm while we talk over the plans for our expedition.  
“Dean, the only way I see for you to travel unnoticed is by oil tanker. It will take around a week for you to arrive. We must somehow find a way to restrain you aboard.”  
“Huh?”  
“Yes, I will fly alone and prepare a location for your arrival. We can hide out there before making the journey to Hielan De’il Stravaig.”   
“Okay, let me get this straight, I haul up on a manky hull, while you snuggle up in a cosy hotel room?”  
“Yes,” I reply as Dean rolls his eyes. I sense he’s not happy with this arrangement.  
“I have a better idea, why don’t you go and get the times of the flights to Scotland and see if there’s one that leaves and arrives overnight?” He raises his eyebrows as he waits for my response.  
“This is a good idea, Dean, but what if there is a delay at the airport?”  
“Well, we’re just going to have to take that chance because I’m not spending a stinking, oily week caught somewhere between here and Europe.”  
“You’d be asleep most of the time and…”  
“Shut up, Castiel. Just get the times of the flights.” He throws his jacket over my head, and I pull it away to see him smiling and I smile back. The smouldering shadows from the flames now flicker across his face and he is more striking than ever before. I cannot pull my eyes from him.  
I agree to his request and later, once morning arrives, I check the Sior-Mabuz is secure. I then make my exit, leaving the beast frothing at the mouth as it tries to escape from its restraints. I cannot be away long, this I know. I head straight to the town, to the first agent I can find, to book plane tickets. I am lucky, there is a flight from New York to Glasgow leaving the following night. This will give us chance to travel to New York and hide out before take-off. I consider delay but I know time is not on our side.  
I collect Dean’s car and head straight back to him and then wait out the hours for nightfall to arrive so I can tell him the news. The noise from the creature is almost deafening and the vibration makes me nauseous. I step outside, glad to be away from the thing. I hover there until all is quiet and then head back inside to find Dean awake. I make him as comfortable as I can before telling him the news.  
“Dean, it’s an eight hour flight. Departing at 7.30pm and landing in Glasgow at 7.30am, local time. We need to be at the airport at 5.30pm. If we are close enough, you will have time to change back into yourself, just before we need to leave for the flight.”  
Dean nods. “I know a pretty secure place we can stay at near the airport, about twenty minutes away. Can we do it? What time do I become me again?”  
“Around 5 o’clock, so we have half an hour to get to the airport. This should not be a problem, Dean.”  
“Right, well, that’s okay this end but it’ll be morning there. What if I hulk out on the plane?”  
“No, Dean, Scotland is still dark in the morning at this time of year. That thing runs according to the hours of darkness and light. It senses the changes wherever it is. We will have around an hour to get you ensconced into an abandoned building there.”  
“What if there are none?”  
“I know the area. The east side, where we will be, is… let’s say… a little unsavoury. I’ve done this journey before.”  
“So this is a regular occurrence to you?” Dean gasps with an amused look about him.  
“No, I’ve been there before when I was tracking a machine traveller. Believe me, Dean, in this place, if you were to hulk out as you put it, the locals might not even notice the difference.” I tease, hoping to get my intended response.   
“You crack me up, Cas,” he laughs and I feel happy to have cheered him up.

We set off immediately, the journey should take no more than three hours. I am sceptical but Dean believes we have time. I hope so. I stare out of the window most of the way. I’m so tired, I’ve barely slept for days. There was once a time when sleep was almost unnecessary for me and I can still go longer than the average person without it, but this is killing me. I look at Dean and he seems to be himself, but I know that thing is in there, waiting to explode into life the following morning. I close my eyes briefly, and immerse myself in a sleepy moment of nostalgia. As unpleasant as the surroundings might have been, our embrace in the mausoleum was the most romantic moment of my life and I allow myself to replay it in my mind’s eye. I begin to drift off to sleep, comforted by the memory, when I am jolted awake by the lights of an oncoming car.   
“Dean, I need to sleep, I’m sorry,” I say as I once again close my eyes. The next thing I know, we are there. 

“Wakey, wakey, sleeping beauty,” I hear Dean say as he shakes me awake. I turn, sticky eyed, and notice he looks different. I need to get him inside before he changes. “Welcome to The Hilton,” he laughs with an unnerving cackle that echoes through the night and continues eerily on whilst I run to the trunk of the car and get the chains out. I then head back around the side of the car to find Dean staggering up the path of the disused factory. I pursue him and manage to grab him before he falls. His face is becoming twisted. I look up to see the sun has begun to come up and I wish we could have left it a few more days before making the journey. “Help me, Cas, I’m not going to make it,” he gasps. I use all my strength to lift him and, in my distress, I manage to carry him inside. 

I glance around to find something solid I can chain him to. I spot a metal hook in the wall and make towards it as I hear a gruff, vulgar voice. It orders me to leave the premises. I stop in my tracks and turn around to see, what I assume to be, a group of addicts desperately trying to defend their territorial turf. They see me holding Dean but I ignore the sneers as I continue to head for the hook, and then I find myself surrounded these people. I don’t know what to do and chaos descends. My panic is unwarranted as the Sior-Mabuz awakes and my problem is resolved. One of them is seized, and his throat unceremoniously removed in the most degrading of fashions. The others flee as quickly as possible and, in the raucous, I am able to sling the chain around Sior-Mabuz and lock it into the peg. It then turns to me and I have no escape. I cover my eyes as I wait for it to unleash its vengeance on me but nothing comes. I uncover my eyes again to find it staring at me with our faces almost touching, but still it does nothing. I stand still, my whole body shaking with terror and then, for a split second, I notice a shadow cross its eyes and I know it will not hurt me.

I move aside as it turns its attention to the doorway, to where the men made their escape. I then sink wearily to the floor as I watch it go into a frenzy as it attempts to escape and chase the men.  
It’s still roaring and tugging hours later and I want so much for that sound to stop. If I could kill it, I would, just to shut the thing up. I hide the mutilated body of the murdered man and hope that Dean doesn’t remember the attack. I don’t want him to know he has killed. There is nothing that can be done for this man, and it is my belief that this person’s life was destined to be short. It is not important and, selfishly, I am in no mood to endure the endless guilt trip that would become our journey. It’s going to be difficult enough as it is. I cover the bloodstains with an old tarpaulin and then try to rest as much as the howling will allow.   
It’s been a very long day and I wonder why it didn’t kill me. Perhaps Dean still has some kind of free will. Is he is able to momentarily resist its strength, I wonder. I could have sworn I saw a flash of recognition in the eyes of the Sior-Mabuz. This realization drives me on as I become all-the-more determined to free Dean from his captor. Is it possible that Dean’s feelings for my safety are stronger than the brute strength of the Sior-Mabuz? As night gets closer, I relax. The beast becomes quiet. It lays still and I see signs of Dean’s reappearance. I take my jacket and put it over the both of us as I lie by his side. I remain as quiet as I do still. I relish the opportunity to get close to him. I push all thoughts of the grimy walls and filthy floors from my mind as I imagine we are together. I feel the warmth of his body next to mine and, as his heart rhythm returns to normal, I float in ecstasy as my thoughts transport us to a world a million miles away…

 

I check my watch and realize we have very little time if we are to make it to the airport. I pull myself away, sit up and call to Dean. He wakes up immediately. I let myself believe he was secretly awake the whole time we lay together.  
“Is it time to go?” he says rubbing his eyes. “There were people here…”  
“Yes, you changed and they ran in fear.” I must prevent him from finding out the truth. I scan the floors and see no sign of blood. His eyes follow mine. “I cannot see your shoe,” I say in my effort to distract him from my mental search of the place.  
“Was anyone hurt?” he says looking around. I fear he is aware on some level.  
“Here it is,” I say as I hand it to him. “Now hurry up, Dean.”  
“Castiel, did I hurt anyone?” he insists.  
“No, you changed and they ran for their lives. They were in no hurry to stick around.”  
“Well, I guess you wouldn’t be,” he sniggers as he stands up and attempts to straighten his torn clothes. I am glad he is ignorant of the murder committed by the Sior-Mabuz. It would serve no purpose to tell him the truth, and we must make haste in any case.  
We abandon the car close to the airport and dash as fast as we can. We have to make it, neither of us can keep going much longer but we must get there. We need to get Dean locked up once and for all. I am relieved when we reach the doors and get inside without drawing any attention to ourselves. I get us something to eat while Dean heads to the bathroom to try and make himself look presentable. We cannot risk being conspicuous.  
I wait for him at the table with our food, time seems to have flown by quickly. We don’t have much longer to wait now. I begin to eat and then I see him stroll back. He’s done a good job of tending to his appearance. The cuts and bruises look less pronounced and, if anything, add a little more handsome ruggedness to his face. He looks great. He returns to the table and drinks. I prompt him to eat but he can barely manage a bite. He’s very quiet and gloomy despite his trying to hide it. Sadly, I believe he has come to accept his fate.  
We sleep through the majority of the journey on the plane, only opening our eyes briefly to eat or check the time. I am grateful for the flight as I know I will need all my energy when we get to Scotland. It feels nice to be together and I can’t help but wonder how he feels about me. I’m sure he was already awake earlier, and I know that thing could’ve killed me but he stopped it. He’s a good friend to me but how far does that go, it has to be more. It just has to be.  
“Will you get off me,” he says as I rest my head on his shoulder, and then I know that all thoughts of love are just a silly fantasy. I turn away from him and doze until it is time to endure the next leg of our mission.

We strenuously barge our way through the bustle of Glasgow Airport. We have to get outside and steal a car as quickly as possible in order to get to the industrial estate. We will stay there until we are able to make the journey to Hielan De’il Stravaig Castle. People are staring at us but it is a necessity we hurry. I pray we are not detained in any way. I would never have envisioned the amount of barrier stops before we could get a clear run towards the door, and even then the crowd seems to hinder us at every opportunity.  
Once we get outside, we keep going until we come to busy main road. He stops and looks around before making off towards the city centre. I call to him as I know there will be far too many people in that direction.  
“This way, Dean,” I yell as I point to the subway which takes us beneath the busy road. He swiftly turns around and I see him hurtling towards me. He seems so panicky, it’s the first time I have seen him so out of control. He is usually so calm and collected, nothing fazes him. We hurry and once inside the tunnel we take a breather. Neither of us can go on, and if we don’t stop we will fall before we get anywhere near where we need to be. I sit on the floor whilst Dean leans against the wall. We pant furiously until we catch our breath.  
“I can’t keep going, Cas,” he says urgently. I can see from his pale complexion that the Sior-Mabuz is wearing him down. He is losing his battle for life. I cannot bear it. I do not know how much longer Dean will live and I had not anticipated how soon the trauma would impact his health to such an extent. How stupid I have been. Of course it will kill him. I ponder for a moment that this might be a blessing, but then I remember our sacred texts about death and ascension. A soul’s energy cannot be diffused without total overall cell death and disintegration, and this will not happen to Dean. The creature will act as a barrier to the dispersal of his energy. I begin to panic. His future situation is possibly a fate worse than death. I stand up and approach him.  
“You have to keep going,” I order him as menacingly as I can. “You are the only thing standing between this thing and a million deaths.”  
“Stop with the drama, Cas. I just don’t give a shit anymore,” he laughs weakly, and I realize the Sior-Mabuz is beginning to harden his heart. This is the same Dean who would normally trade his own life for the lowliest person alive.  
“Dean, this isn’t you talking, you don’t mean this. Don’t let it win.” I get close to him. “You are the most compassionate person I’ve ever met.”  
“Yeah right,” he says as he rests his hand against my arm to stop himself from falling over. I hold tight, steadying him as he glances shyly towards me before gazing to the ground. He doesn’t mean a word of this. It’s all talk, he would never put his own desires before others. “We don’t have much time,” he says quietly.  
“I won’t let it change you, Dean,” I say as I put my arm around him. He lifts his head and I see tears in his eyes. I feel his body close to me, his warmth envelops me and I am overcome with love for him. He holds me tighter and presses himself into me. I close my eyes and then my mouth meets his. His lips are full and soft and my heart pounds as we kiss. I feel his fingers run through my hair and I tingle all over as I pass my hand up his over his shoulder and cup his beautiful face. All I can think is that he loves me, Dean loves me…  
Then, suddenly, he breaks free from my arms and runs off. I call after him but he is soon out of sight. I follow him and come up on the other side of the road but he is completely out of view. I don’t know what to do and curse myself for letting something so stupid happen. I fear for the lives of the people of this city, and for my own destiny. I know I cannot give in to my temptation or I will not be allowed my Timeship back. It is forbidden for me to have a relationship in any other time period but my own, in case a person is conceived and the whole planet be altered as a result. It is abhorrent to allow one’s own desires to change the destiny of the world, although some have done it. This is one of the most troubling aspects of time travel. We are not lawfully allowed a life beyond righting wrongs and fighting the war that never ends. If only I did not possess the powers I do, I would never have been assigned this job… but then, I would never have met Dean. Despite everything, I am grateful I know him.

The authorities are aware of my feelings for someone here but they do not know with whom I am infatuated. If they did, Dean would surely be brought into the future and executed. The fact I am attached to a guy is even worse than if I were to have gotten involved with a woman. It is punishable by death. We obey one religion and this kind of relationship has been forbidden by God. The Church made it illegal three hundred years before I was born. We are assigned partners in life and so this kind of relationship is not heard of where I come from. I cannot allow myself to become weak in this matter ever again. If I continue to display signs of romantic attachment when I plug into the primary construct, I will be held prisoner in this very year forevermore. I have managed to overcome some of the frequency outputs, such as location within location and constant thought monitoring, but I am yet to control my emotional output enough to be completely free. I am one of the lucky ones that I have come so far towards some kind of true existence. There is one thing I do know, amongst all things; if I were to take my romantic attachment towards Dean to the point of us being lovers, I would no longer be able to hide it and would, at the very least, be disowned. If I ever attempted to return home, I would be sentenced to death. I am homesick. Is love worth giving up everything for? Especially when the person you love does not return your feelings? I fear I have taken advantage of Dean’s weakness and now I must find him and get him locked up in Hielan De’il Stravaig Castle, where he now belongs.

TBC...


	4. Chapter 4, Don't leave me, Dean, baby...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dean and Castiel are safe...

Chapter 4  
Don’t leave me, Dean, baby…

I roam the city in search of him and barely two hours pass by when I come across a decapitated body. The crowds gather and the police are doing what they can to keep order but the panic has already set in. It seems everyone has become aware of this demonic creature, some have even seen its true form. I listen carefully, tuning out all background noise in order to listen only for words that matter. From what I can make out, amongst the chatter of the crowds, is that it has killed several people. The trail seems to revolve around the outer edge of the city. There’s nothing I can do but keep looking in the hope I find it and, if I don’t, I will wait until nightfall, when the Sior-Mabuz becomes Dean once again. I know he will seek refuge in a place he can restrain himself.  
I head to the town centre, I suspect this thing will attempt to ingratiate itself where there are many females to choose from. It will have gained enough energy from the murders to maintain Dean’s appearance. I will have the best chance of finding it there. It will be in Dean’s form as it goes about its business unnoticed. Perhaps under these circumstances I will have a chance to stun and hold it if it is unsuspecting of my presence. How I will then get it to safety, I do not know but I hope instinct will take over at this point.

I am unlucky. I do not locate it before nightfall. I have let the people of this city down and I have failed Dean. How terrible he must feel and it is my fault. I should have protected him but instead I left him open to injury and soul-damaging emotional torture. My feelings turn to apathy as I acknowledge that I am incomplete in my ability to control a situation at its most crucial point. I feel utterly useless. I get myself a pastry and a cup of soup from a street vendor. I then sit on a bench outside the railway station and keep a lookout for Dean. I know he is unlikely to use such a mode of transport but I have nothing left but hope. He will attempt to get as far away from as many people as possible and hide himself. I believe it is wishful thinking on my part that he might show up, but there is something inside me stirring and I feel he might be near. I decide to rest for a time, my legs feel like lead. I have been running all day. My whole body is weary and my heart aches for Dean’s return.   
As I understand it, the Sior-Mabuz killed ninety two people by sundown. There are police helicopters everywhere. The whole city is in a state of panic. I must now attempt to locate Dean, but first I must eat and refresh my will to hunt. I must come to terms with my failure and compose myself. I will not be of assistance in this whole mess if I cannot forge ahead with a positive mind-set. I can’t imagine how Dean is now feeling, he is out there - cold, alone and lost. He may remember the murders. Although, he may have been asleep and oblivious through the majority of the rampage. One thing is for sure, he will know that many people have died. He will soon grasp that slaughter on this scale could have only been committed by the Sior-Mabuz. I wonder if he has been captured. I decide to make this my first point of search. I will scour the police stations first. If Dean has been contained somehow, it will be because the Sior-Mabuz has suffered an injury, leaving it vulnerable. If this is so, then the creature will replenish itself overnight and then extinguish the life of anyone holding it captive. It will make its escape from custody. Only the dungeon of Hielan De’il Stravaig Castle, can hold the beast.  
I take the last glug of my soup before wearily dragging myself to my feet. I turn to glance at the clock, and that is when I see Dean to my side. I am startled at first and then overwhelmed with relief. He is dirty, although his clothes have changed. He is wearing blue jeans, a blue shirt, and is holding a woollen hat. I guess they have been removed from a victim but I hold out hope they have merely been stolen. 

I dash towards him and, to my surprise, he hugs me tightly. I notice him shivering and immediately remove my coat and wrap it around his shoulders before holding him again. We remain locked together and I know he is desperately wiping his eyes as leans over my shoulder. I allow him to compose himself before attempting to talk to him.  
“I’m sorry, Cas, I shouldn’t have run off like that. I just can’t do that with you. It doesn’t feel right and…”  
“Its okay, Dean,” I say quietly as I move away from him. “I’m sorry too. It was a mistake we need to forget.” I smile and he nods. I can tell he is unburdened by the decision to put it behind us. “How are you?” I ask. It’s a stupid question given the circumstances, and I instantly regret my foolish words.  
“I’ve killed people, Cas.”  
“No, Dean. The Sior-Mabuz has killed people,” I say softly as I try to pacify his guilt.  
“Yeah because of me,” he moans childishly.  
“Listen to me, Dean, you have saved far more people than you have ever harmed. Your heroism is legendary. If there had been more like you, there never would have been a war to start with.”  
“People still died…”  
“You’ve got to pull yourself together if we’re going to see this through. In the future people still speak your name in recognition of your bravery.”  
“Really?” he asks, his face lighting up. “It doesn’t matter, the reputation ends now,” he says. He is caught up in his own self-loathing once again. I find it slightly annoying. We have more pressing things to attend to.  
“Dean,” I snap angrily as I hold him by the collar. “What you need to do, what you will do, when you commit yourself to the dungeon of Hielan De’il Stravaig forever, is payment enough for this one mistake. Now, let’s make haste.”  
I see this has shocked some perspective into his troubled mind. I pull my hand away from his neck. I wish I hadn’t needed to do that to him but sometimes the ends justify the means. He takes a deep breath and we finally get moving. We head out of the city centre as fast as possible. It doesn’t take long before we find ourselves in some side streets and I feel slightly better to be out of the sight of passers-by. We soon come up on a desolate lane. There is no one around and so we take a car. We have no choice, we cannot risk delay. By my reckoning we need four hours to get to the small island of Hielan De’il Stravaig. We cannot drive fast as we must not risk drawing attention to ourselves. I hope the car owner does not notice his vehicle is missing until morning. We set off. I allow Dean to drive as I believe the distraction will be good for him.   
“Dean, I need to make a call,” I say as I consider our arrival. I dial the number and am relieved to have reached a friendly voice. I arrange a time with Connell, the Laird of the castle, and he assures me he will be there waiting with a boat for the last stint of our journey. Neither of us will have the strength to make the swim, and I don’t relish the thought of reaching the castle soaked through.  
“Who is that?” Dean asks appearing worried. “I didn’t know there were people there.”  
“There isn’t. The castle itself is empty and has been for many, many years, but for the Sior-Mabuz.”  
“Who was that then?”   
“There is a man named Connell Balliol. He is the Laird - he owns the island and land around it. The property has been in his family for centuries. His clan were instrumental in the capture and containment of the creature when it first became known to us. The secret has continued through their family line until this very day.”  
“How do you know he didn’t free it? Maybe he…”  
“Because I just read his thoughts. This man has never even seen the Sior-Mabuz. He assists only in that he keeps an eye on the castle and maintains it for us. He does not enter the dungeon. This would be stupid of him.”  
“Maybe he did. Maybe he couldn’t help himself and that’s how it got out.”  
“If he had done, he would not be talking to me because he would be dead. He is not lying to us, he is unaware of how it escaped. Dean, we are lucky to have his help. Without his protection and assistance, we would have nowhere to contain this thing.”  
“You mean me, don’t you?”  
“Yes.”  
“How long will you stay there with me?”  
“There are four rooms inside the castle, where there is liveable accommodation for such emergencies. I will chain you, ensure you are secure, rest and be on my way within a couple of days.” I look to see Dean swallow hard. This is truly awful, and I see his will to live become that much less. He says nothing for the remainder of the journey.

We get close and I indicate where we are to go. He follows my instructions and we come up on the edge of the Loch. We have no option but to roll the car into it. We watch as it careers down the steep bank, drops into the water and then sinks.  
“I hope he didn’t need that to get to work tomorrow,” Dean says with a chuckle. I smile and am comforted that he is still able to find his sense of humour. We start off on the mile long walk to the boat ramp. From there we will take the boat which will get us to the castle of Hielan De’il Stravaig.   
“I need you, Cas,” he says as he stumbles and reaches out for my arm. “I can’t make it any further without you.” He grasps me and I cling to his arm as I hold him up. I latch onto him like my life depends on it and we struggle on as if we are locked into one another.  
“Not much farther, Dean, you can do it. You’ve come this far, just hold on and we’ll do this together.” I feel his pull come harder on me as he musters the strength he needs to endure the pain he undoubtedly feels. I consider how much it must hurt to have that thing inside. I’m not sure I could take it. He has shown little complaint for his own suffering. The pain of others causes so much more torment to him. He will never become one with this monster. His altruism and strength of character is unlike any I have ever met. I am in awe of Dean’s spirit, and this only makes what I have to do to him all the tougher.  
When we arrive, we see a shimmering light in the small hut.  
“Hang on, Cas, how do we know it’s safe?” Dean says straightening up sharply.  
“It’s safe,” I reassure him as we push on towards the light. I ache all over but am relieved as we approach and see Connell waiting for us. Finally, our journey is almost over. We quietly approach the man, although there is nobody around for miles who would hear us.  
“Hi, Connell, thanks for this. It’s appreciated.”  
“It’s good to see you again, Castiel,” he replies. “I’ve prepared a room and lit a fire for you as well,” he says with a friendly smile, which soon fades to a frown as his gaze turns towards Dean.  
“This the monster? Ugly or what,” he says as he recoils slightly in alarm.  
“Yeah… well… you wanna see me in the morning, Pal,” Dean replies.  
“Dean,” I snap. “This isn’t funny.”  
“Hold on a minute. Tell him that, he started it,” Dean replies. I look towards Connell to find him glaring at Dean. I swiftly turn my attention to the boat.  
“You’ve done great here, Connell,” I say in an effort to defuse the awkward tension of Dean’s misplaced humour.   
“Yeah, thanks, man. Really appreciate your help,” Dean says as he holds his hand out to thank Connell with a handshake. Connell ignores his hand gesture.  
“Let’s just get on with it,” the Laird replies. He is displeased and I understand that it is not easy keeping this secret, let alone standing about half the night in the bitter cold.  
“No problem,” Dean says with forced cheer. “Come on, Castiel, let’s get going,” he says as he gets into the boat and plonks himself down. I linger ashore for a moment longer to thank Connell once again. I reassure him there will not be another escape. I then watch him walk away before clambering aboard the boat myself.

I see that Dean is about to fall asleep and I have no desire to keep him from rest, and so I pick up an oar and begin to row us towards the castle. My heart is heavy as I consider the terrible truth, Dean will soon be leaving my life forever.

TBC...


	5. Chapter 5 - I don’t care whether this is right or wrong. I want him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Castiel must do what he has to do...

Chapter 5  
I don’t care whether this is right or wrong. I want him.

I carry him inside when we arrive, and gently lay him on the couch. I then push it towards the crackling fire and let him sleep. A person could be forgiven for believing they are in a luxurious old castle resort. I am surprised to see these rooms taken care of so well. Everything a person could need has been thought of and provided for. Connell must have been here regularly to maintain it to such a high standard. It crosses my mind that this is unusual. It had always been fairly lightly provisioned on the occasions I had needed its use in the past. There is no indication that outside of these rooms is an abandoned old castle with a dank, dark dungeon beneath. I can find no sense in Connell going to so much trouble. I ponder this for a few moments before deciding he is either a very considerate person or he selfishly envisioned that he may have needed to use the accommodation himself, should we ever require his help with anything.  
I hurt for Dean and I am so sad he will spend his days locked within the decrepit pit downstairs. I sit for a time and watch him sleep. He is peaceful and it is impossible for me to believe that such a monster could exist behind such an angelic face. I creep near to him as I remember our kiss. I go as close as I can without waking him. I feel his breath against my face and I long for his touch. I am tempted to put my lips to his so I can taste him just one more time, but I do not. I force myself away. I have to remain practical. It’s not long before I will be far away. I can return to my duties and resume my confinement within this time zone until I have detached from my feelings. It won’t be easy but I have a job to do, an important one. I will work hard to show I am in control once again. This way, I will prove myself worthy of being the Wayfarer I am, and am fated to be. My duty is to put right the wrongs of the past to ensure the survival of humanity. I will return home when I am ready, and once again I will be the pilot of my own destiny. These feelings of lust will fade over time. Sadly, I know that my guilt over Dean’s incarceration will not.  
I head to the kitchen to find Connell has provided well. I begin to make dinner for Dean. I try as best I can to deliver something nourishing but, without culinary expertise, the best I can manage is a cooked breakfast. I get to work. I know there isn’t much time left, and I would like to say a proper goodbye.   
It isn’t long before I have prepared an adequate meal. It would appear that Connell is quite fond of frying because much of the food afforded to us needs to be cooked in such a way. I wonder if this man is healthy, it would seem from his food selection that he is not.   
My thoughts are interrupted when I hear a voice behind me. I am startled and abruptly drop my pan on the floor, spilling its contents as I do so.  
“This looks, great, Cas, I’m starving,” Dean gasps. “This Connell guy certainly knows how to look after guests.” He rubs his stomach eagerly and all but drools.  
“I am glad you approve, Dean,” I say as I bend over, scrape what I can back inside, and pick up my pan. I wonder why he feels hungry. He hardly ate anything at all today. The Sior-Mabuz does not require food, this I know for sure.   
“Why so jumpy, Cas, not scared of me are you?” he says. I look up and narrow my eyes in disapproval. “You sure know how to rustle up a fry-up though. Don’t worry, I’ll risk it,” he says looking at my sausage. I sigh as I pick it up off the floor and put it on his plate.  
“Not like I have to worry about food poisoning is it?” he laughs.  
“I didn’t expect you to wake up so soon,” I say, feeling concerned. He seems energised but we still have a couple of hours before sunrise. I look at him closely, inspecting for signs of the creature surfacing.  
“It’s me,” he says as he takes his plate and sits at the table. I watch as he bolts his meal. He is famished and I wonder when he last ate. Perhaps his lack of food has made him weaker. I hope this is the reason he appears ill and not because he is losing vitality. I do not want him to die, and then my mind drifts… I decide that I will never stop looking for a way out of this. If he can stay alive in this condition, I will not give up on him. He is fighting to remain himself even against the mighty will of this creature. I must not lose sight of the fact that I am the only one who can save him from this plight. Even if he does die in the process of being saved, at least I will have freed his soul from this hell. If I can just rest, I can think better. There must be something I can do, someway, somehow. I will harness my knowledge of this creature and defeat it. I will do it for him.  
We talk for a time about general stuff, neither of us wanting to think about the inevitable imprisonment which is drawing ever closer by the second. I keep a sneaky eye on the clock, I cannot let him change before he is restrained. There is still time and I allow myself to enjoy his company for a while - what can it hurt now. So what if I let myself fall a little deeper in love… for just one last night… before I say goodbye. I will reach deep inside my chest when morning comes and pull my own heart out if it means I can feel this way right now.   
We laugh and talk as if it were old times again, just like in those years before all this happened and we were friends. Way back before my feelings were discovered, in a time when I was merely happy to be around him. I now love him more than ever before. I worship him, and I know I will never feel the same about another living soul. How could this have happened to me? All I ever wanted to do was to use the gift bestowed on me and serve my civilization. It was my dream since I was a boy, and here I am on verge of throwing it all away for the smallest chance of reciprocal love. But I know, deep down, that he doesn’t feel the same way for me. I would do it, I would walk away from everything just for him, even if all we ever had together was one day. If he loved me for just one day, one day in a whole lifetime that would be enough, but I know I am chasing crayon rainbows. I must fight against these feelings and I know that I must leave this place in order to banish them from my heart.  
After the meal, Dean stands up and grins. I wonder what he is thinking, he is beginning to act strangely. Perhaps he is frightened of what is to come.  
“Well, come on then, you gonna show me around my new home?” he asks. I hesitate as I look at the clock. “Stop dithering, Cas, we have hours yet. As you said yourself, it gets lighter later here.” He smiles and I am reminded that the sun does rise much later, especially this far up the country, and so I agree to the tour. The first room he walks into is the one which has been prepared for me to sleep in. “Well, this a bit rough, I hope you manage to get some shuteye in this dump,” he says as he lays his eyes on the sumptuous four-poster bed. I notice the plush pile of the carpets and the splendid décor of the room which will be my resting place tonight. The shame overwhelms me.  
“I did not envision such opulence,” I say immediately.  
“Wanna trade?” he says grinning as he takes a glance out of the window and his face morphs into an expression of horror. I guess he is seeing the vast body of water laid out before him. The welcoming twinkles of the town in the distance are a cruel reminder of his looming isolation.  
“Let’s take a look around the rest of the castle,” I say in order to distract him from his trepidation. Solitary confinement - that’s what he was thinking. I heard his mind say it. I cannot usually read Dean’s thoughts in such a way. Perhaps it’s because his guard is so low. I preferred it when I couldn’t sense his brainwaves. It might be selfish of me but I find it intolerable to know his fear.  
We take a walk slowly around, careful not to fall. The castle is very cold and dark. The torches we have are not nearly bright enough for such blackness. We go from room to room and mingle amongst the imaginary spectres who haunt these walls. Dark figures move and twist forebodingly wherever we walk. I feel the wrath in their cold stares. Their sinister whispers falling like chalk dust onto blank slates, our minds rearranging the specks into screaming words of torment. The water drips and the small animals scurry around us as we tread cautiously on, knowing the basement beckons. I do not dare mention it, and I cannot stand to think of this horror. It’s almost as if the darkness ahead foreshadows the darkness to come. The idea of the man I love being trapped here forever is too much to stand. I pull Dean by the arm as I suggest we go back, but he insists we continue on. We don’t get much further into our tour when Dean stops and turns to me. He holds my shoulder and I already know what he will say before he has even begun.  
“Let’s just go there now. I want to see it,” he says. I know he means the dungeon. I reluctantly agree, he has a right to familiarise himself with his fate. It’s not my place to stand in his way. We silently make our way there. I’m filled with anguish as I hear the anxiety in his breath as we descend the castle staircase. We reach the trap door. It’s stiff and so we tug it together until it comes, at which point, we both fall to the floor under its weight. Dean scrambles up and shines his torch into the dungeon. He then tiptoes down the steps until he gets to another two doors. “Welcome to eternity,” he announces. I follow after him and watch as he opens the door to the next flight of steps and continues on his way to the dark pit. Once we are there, we look around and manage to see that the restraints that held the creature have quite possibly deteriorated enough to have been broken by its strength. “Could’ve maintained this better, Cas,” he says as he shines his torch in my face.  
“I’m sorry, Dean,” I say as I am overcome with remorse. He laughs.  
“I’m kidding. None of this is your fault, Castiel. I mean it,” he says as he taps my arm in an effort to console me. The glare from his torch flashes around and then settles on the exit. “Let’s get out of here. I’m not spending any more time than I have to in this hole.”   
We head back to the cosy living quarters and I make us both a mug of cocoa. When I return to the sitting room, Dean is stood at the window. I set our drinks down on the table. I just don’t know what to say to him. I imagine what is running through his mind as I lie back on one of the couches. It’s warm and serene but I sense Dean is troubled, except… it doesn’t appear to be his impending doom which is frustrating him. I ask him what’s wrong.  
“Uh, what do you think?” he says turning to face me as he raises his eyebrows.  
“There’s something else, Dean,” I say. “I feel it.” I watch as he looks away and shrugs. I decide not to push it.  
“Your drink is getting cold, Dean. It will warm you,” I say as I put my hands behind my head. I close my eyes for a moment, only to open them again to find he is knelt in front of me. His eyes are locked hard onto my own. We gaze at each other. Everything that has happened just falls away as I am captured in the moment, mesmerised by his hazy stare.   
“Castiel, I’m sorry about what happened in Glasgow,” he says.  
“Dean, I don’t hold you responsible I…”  
“No, for what happened in the subway.” I am shocked he has so blatantly brought up our passionate encounter.  
“There is no need for an apology, Dean.”  
“I can’t pretend anymore. I have to be honest with you. My feelings for you have grown. I have always thought a lot of you but something has changed and… well… I now have some sort of deeper attraction to you.”  
“Dean, this is because you are not yourself,” I say reassuringly. “Your own mind and desires will return, should we ever manage to find a way to free you.”  
“That’s not going to happen though is it? Besides, I know what I feel. It’s nothing to do with that thing being inside me. It’s you. I can’t live without you near me. You make everything okay. I feel safe when you’re around. I always have but something is different. It’s as if we are connected somehow and designed to depend on each other.”  
“This is fear of loneliness talking, Dean.”  
“It’s not. Damn it, Cas,” he says as he pushes his hands up into his hair in apparent frustration at my logical explanation. I’m not about to jump on you, don’t panic,” he scoffs. He turns to pull away and I grab his arm. Maybe I’m taking advantage of his vulnerable position but I can’t help myself. I don’t care whether this is right or wrong. I want him.  
“I love you, Dean,” I say softly as he returns his gaze to me.  
“Well there’s no need to go that far,” he says as he attempts to move away again and I pull him back to me. He weakens and allows my invitation. He comes in closer, until his face is right before mine. “I love you, Dean,” I repeat. “I always have, you’re everything to me.” He stares at me intensely for a moment, and then our lips come together as he kisses me. My body fills with desire, and I can keep my feelings hidden no longer as I throw off the shackles of self-control. I slide my hand up inside the back of his shirt and brush my fingers across his soft skin. He pulls away from me again and, sensing my yearning to touch him, yanks his top up over his head before laying down beside me. We kiss again and I revel in our closeness as I stroke him. My whole life melts away, all my old hopes and dreams gone, traded for the love of Dean. I feel him unfasten my shirt buttons and my heart pounds as I will him to touch me. He pushes my clothes aside and I lie back as he tenderly kisses my chest and softly runs his fingers over my skin. My whole body trembles with desire for him. I have never wanted anyone more and I feel our togetherness completes me 

Then, as quickly as it came, it is over as he slides away from me. I make a grab for him with the intention of pulling him back and never letting him go.  
“I have to get downstairs,” he says as he stands up. I reach out and take his hand but he slips it from me.  
“I need you,” I say, desperately. “Be with me.”  
“You know that’s not possible.” He looks to the ground and I pull myself together. “It’s time, Cas. I gotta go down.”  
“I know,” I say quietly as I get up and prepare myself for what is to come.

We make for the door, my hands tremble as I turn the handle.  
“You ready?” I ask. He blinks hard and then smiles sweetly as he gives me the thumbs up. “Come on,” I say taking his hand as we leave the comfort of the room. The cold hits us hard and we hurry to the stairs. As usual, time is very much against us. If only we could have had a few more moments together. We rush down to the ground floor. He needs to be chained as soon as possible before the thing inside is awoken by the morning sun. We get to the bottom and I release my grip, only to see him walk the wrong way. I quickly grab him once more and lead him to the dungeon. Why, oh why, have I got to be the one to do this to him? I scream inside as we set foot in the damp and dismal cavern. Once inside, he thrusts himself at the wall and wraps the new chains and cuffs around himself. His self-restraint is amazing and I don’t know where he finds the courage to go through with this. I shake as I attempt to fasten the cuffs into place. I can see he has begun to change form, and my mind is party to the fight going on inside his head as he struggles against the creature. His willpower is like none I have ever encountered. My brow sweats as I manage to close the last clasp and pull away from Dean just before he mutates. I fall to the floor and witness the thing’s anguish as it realizes it is once again imprisoned in the dungeon of Hielan De’il Stravaig.   
“You will never leave this filthy pit again,” I say to it as I turn and ascend the steps of the dungeon. I cannot bear to turn around before I leave. Once out, I lock the dungeon and return upstairs, to where I take to my bed and weep like an infant. “Dean, I need you,” I whisper and then I scream his name over and over until I can scream no more. I then lie shivering as I sob myself to sleep.


	6. Chapter 6 - For the Love of Dean

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't help myself, Dean

Chapter 6  
For the Love of Dean... It’s early evening when I awake with a start. I am dripping with sweat. At first, it would be easy to believe all this could all be a terrible nightmare, and then reality sets in. My first thought is for poor Dean, locked downstairs. He will be himself by now. He’s probably very cold and very lonely, how will he ever come through this. I wonder if he will be hungry but then I remember that he no longer needs food, although his mind may yearn for it. I know it is not necessary anymore, as is breathing, or any other human need. I wonder whether he has given himself over to the beast and died. I should leave this place. I will come back when I find a cure for this sickness. I get myself together and head from the room to the hall. I catch my breath as I tread gingerly through the castle. I hear no sound. I want to go and rescue him but I know it is not possible. I should chance it and take one more peek at his handsome face, but my nerve fails me as I fear this last image would only haunt me for the rest of my days. I approach the dungeon door and shine my light on it. Still locked firm. I long to call down to him but I resist.  
“Goodbye, Dean,” I whisper before walking away from the door. I make my exit quickly, but as soon as I reach the boat, I stop dead in my tracks. I am overcome by sorrow and, as I sit on a rock and look towards where my Dean is imprisoned, I feel a chill run through me. I raise my voice and call out that I am sorry, that I should have been a better friend. I wonder if he somehow hears me, or if my thoughts are strong enough to reach his mind. Please be so, I hope.  
I need to move but my body won’t let me. I push myself up and then slump back down. It’s no use, I can’t go on without him. I clear my mind and then set it firmly to thoughts of my return home. It seems to work, my trembling stops and I am able to find my footing to stand, eventually getting to my feet. I place one foot inside the boat and then remove it again. I urge my body to get into the vessel, but it will not move. “Get into the boat,” I order myself, but still I linger. I turn around, follow my heart, and head back to the castle.  
All is quiet when I open the door of the basement. I wonder if Dean is dead. I hope he is just sleeping. I creep down the steps and steadily approach the shackles. It’s very dark but I can make out a chain. I raise my torch, fearing what I might see, and then I catch movement. The light settles on his glistening green eyes, and he squints as he raises his hand to his face as a shield.  
“Do you mind?” he says, and I quickly avert the light from his gaze. “What you doing here, Cas?” he sighs regretfully. “You shouldn’t have come here.”  
“You’re okay?” I say, relieved to hear him speaking to me. I rush to him and fling my arms around him.  
“What did you expect? I’m not about to roll over and die the first night am I?”  
“I can’t leave you, Dean.”  
“Damn it, Cas, you have to. Now turn around and walk away, Castiel.” He falls silent and I stand firm. “Go,” he shouts.  
“No!” I retaliate loudly.  
“No?” He sighs deeply in disbelief. “You have to.”  
“I can’t, I won’t. I won’t leave you here, Dean.” I shake with determination as I confront him. I resolve to stand by my decision no matter what. I hear him sigh again, more loudly this time. I know he will not beat me on this matter.  
“Well, you might wanna undo these things then,” he says, rattling his chains. I smile. I don’t know what will happen from here, but I do know I have just made the decision to leave behind everything that ever mattered in my life. I know now that I can never return home to my own time. I have made this choice for him, for Dean, for the love of Dean.  
We leave the dungeon. We now have all night together before he must be returned to lockdown. We know we must decide how we can deal with this predicament but, for now, we decide to go outside and take a walk, to breathe some fresh air and take a break from this awful turmoil. We collect some warm clothing from the wardrobe upstairs and head straight outside. The crisp air cuts into us immediately. I hadn’t noticed it before but now it enters my lungs like ice. I am hardened to it though, it washes over me and I don’t mind. I have a warm, glowing spark inside my chest, ready to light a fire inside me, and for the first time in my life, I know what true love is.  
The evening moon is bright and the water laps lightly at the shore. The sounds are like music to my soul. I feel drunk on the moment. I can imagine nowhere better to be right now. I turn to Dean, his face glistens in the moonlight and, as he smiles, I slip my hand in his. He accepts my gesture and we walk together as we explore the evening garden. This must be what it feels like to be a teenager on a first date.

We are quiet at first but it isn’t awkward. We are both so relieved to be out of that place that we welcome the silence between us. My mind drifts to the horror of the dungeon and I immediately push it out. I will not let it come between us on this special night. The creature will not win.  
“This place has a certain charm to it,” I say, hoping to distract myself from my own thoughts of the castle prison.  
“That’s not the place, Cas,” he laughs. “That’s my scintillating company. I’m irresistible, admit it.”  
“I do admit it,” I say as I turn and pull him towards me. He wraps his arms around my waist and our bodies become close. I hold his face. “I would do anything for you,” I tell him.  
“Anything?” he smiles cheekily.  
“Anything,” I reply as I look coyly into his eyes. He moves his head up close to me. I think is going to kiss me but then he whispers in my ear.  
“How about one of those mean breakfasts of yours then?” he says. I laugh and we turn around and walk back to the castle, running for the last few steps as we feel a light sprinkle of rain begin to come down.  
When we arrive back, I head to the kitchen while Dean lights a fire for us to keep warm. I hear the rain picking up and I am grateful that we came back when we did. I cook an extra special meal for Dean, although I wonder what we will do for food from now on, as rations will begin to run low very soon. Connell has provided for a few days at most and we could be here forever. I will have to go into the town, which is quite some distance. Something will need to be done. I will need to get my hands on a car.  
I set the table and call to Dean, who is now in the bedroom after having gone for a shower. I place our meal on the table and wait for him for him to arrive, which he does a couple of minutes later. He is wearing a brown checked shirt and canvass trousers, which he must have found in the wardrobe. He looks different. His hair has fallen forward slightly where it hasn’t been combed back in the usual style. It frames his face and he looks cuter than ever.  
“What?” he laughs. “There’s not that much choice in there,” he says looking down at his clothes. “I look like a farmer.”  
“It’s not that, Dean,” I smile. “I’m just so glad you’re okay and that you’re here with me… and… you look great.”  
“So does this,” he says, gaping wide-eyed at his plate of food before devouring his first mouthful.  
“Dean, we will need more food,” I say as casually as I can. I do not want to spoil the evening but this is a fact. He stops chewing and stares at me.  
“I will stop eating,” he says. “I can survive without food but you can’t.”  
“You need your strength,” I say forcefully. “That thing is robbing your energy stock every day. How long will you keep your own appearance if you have no fuel? How long before your body is burned up by that thing? I won’t let it feed off you until you die. Also, I think that the food might be keeping it in check a little. That thing does not work well with food inside it. You need to keep eating.”  
“This is all my fault, I’m sorry, Castiel.”  
“This is no one’s fault, Dean. It’s okay, I will get food tomorrow. I’ll go to the town. It will take me nearly all day but it needs to be done.”  
“Can’t you get a supermarket home delivery?” he says before shoving the last morsel of dinner into his mouth, leaning back and rubbing his stomach with a look of satisfaction.  
“No.”  
“Well, what about that Connell guy then, can’t he bring something? He’ll do it for you, Cas. You two seemed pretty pally if you ask me.”  
“Hmm.” I had thought about this but I am reluctant to involve others and besides, he won’t keep doing it. “I don’t want him to know I am still here, Dean.”  
“Why not? You ashamed of me?” Dean sniggers.  
“Of course not,” I reply quickly.  
“It’s my day job, isn’t it?” he laughs. “You’re embarrassed.” I know he’s joking, but I can’t help but wonder whether he would have taken things this far between us had this horror not occurred. Perhaps he has taken leave of his senses. I so hope he truly cares for me and this isn’t just a security blanket for him. I’ve given up my chance of ever returning home - for him. I will no longer be able to keep the truth from them. The Responder will pick up my thoughts and feelings. This love is just too strong to hide.  
“I will see about purchasing a car,” I say, and then I see him gesture to speak. “No, I will not steal one,” I say firmly. “We have to be careful. It’s fine, I will take care of it. Just you rest and look after yourself. Please, for me?” I say as I smile and place my hand on his. He grins and continues to eat from the breadbasket. He is still hungry after eating so much. In light of the Sior-Mabuz requiring no food, I don’t know whether to be glad or worried. I decide that it can only be a good thing.  
“You know what, Cas, I’m almost grateful to the old Sior-mabs. It’s because of him I’m here sharing this with you. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else right now,” he says before shoving in another mouthful of bread and grinning. I’m taken aback. I’ve never heard him say anything so kind and sensitive. My stomach turns to excited jelly and my nerves kick in. I smile to myself as I eat my food. I know he is watching me.  
When we are finished our meal, we head into the living room where I place a cushion on the floor and lie in front of the fire to keep warm. Dean looks around uneasily for a moment and then, to my surprise, kneels on the floor next to me.  
“Can I join you there?” he asks and I nod. He lays down with me and rests his head on my chest. Within moments he is asleep and I enjoy the gentle rocking of his body against mine as he breathes deeply. He smells perfect, he feels perfect and I know it is right to have him with me. I allow the roar of the rain crashing against the window to wash over me, and it floods me with calm. I am filled with a sense of contentment unlike anything I could ever have wished for… and it is all because I am able to say that Dean is mine. At last, he is mine.  
“I love you,” I whisper as I drift off to sleep, knowing that I have never been surer of anything.  
TBC


End file.
